I’ve got some bad new for ya. I know you’ve been reading this blog picturing me as some handsome muscled young stud – but I am not. I’m fat and 35 and all muscle has left since I stopped working out about 5 years ago. What happened? Who cares – what I wanna talk about today is how every waiter is trying to kill me.

They are!

As a traveling consultant I tend to eat out 3 meals a day while I’m on the road. And in order to lose some weight I thought I’d just stop getting side dishes. Hamburger – no fries. Pasta – no garlic bread. Whatever it comes with – I don’t want it. This is very hard for waitstaff. Here’s a conversation I’ve had about a thousand times:

Me - “I’ll have the French dip, but I don’t want any sides”

Waiter - (confused pause)

Waiter – “You don’t want… Would you like to substitute something else for the fries?”

Me – “Nope. Just the French dip is fine.”

Waiter – (weirded-out pause) “Um… Okay.”

15 minutes later

Waiter – “Here ya go.”

Me – “I thought I ordered no sides, but there are fries covering half the plate.”

Waiter – “I guess the cook just put them on anyway. You don’t have to eat ‘um”

Now I gotta decide if I feel like sharing the completely shameful fact that if those fries are left in front of me I will eat every single one of them along with about a gallon of ketchup. But I usually just shut up and eat the damn fries.